Relationships these days are more difficult than it used to be. This is as a result of the fact that a lot of times, people are just same wines in different bottles.
Sounds weird, yeah? Well, that’s how it’s perceived to be these days. Funny thing is, that fact hasn’t changed. What has changed is our perception of things. People are now very exposed. People often now expect more.
Relationships these days, are very easy to get in than it is to maintain. However, something that tend to still make the difference in relationships these days, is value.
Believe me or not, a lot of people aren’t valued in relationships and this is why like I said earlier, it is more easy to get into a relationship these days than it is to maintain one.
This minute, those folks are in love and they seem to be having a good thing going. Next minute, they ain’t together anymore.
Other times, a lot of people tend to cry over being broken up with. Well, here’s the thing, if you’ve put so much value on yourself, you wouldn’t have to care about being jilted. You begin to feel like if anyone leaves you, it’s their loss, not yours.
But before you go about thinking that way, it’s important you are truly bringing value to the table and not just saying it to yourself.
Now, you may be wondering how to ignore or maintain value in a relationship, right? Well, here are a few ways to do that.
1. Make The Relationship Your Second Priority, Not Your First
A lot of people go into relationships and during the course of being in that relationship, they forget themselves. It’s okay to be in love and want to make your partner understand that. But, making the relationship your number 1 priority could do more harm than good.
As much as you love your partner and want to make the relationship work, make yourself your number one priority. Put yourself first and put the relationship second.
What do I mean by this? Well, that’s the number 2 point.
2. Pursue Your Dreams While In A Relationship
Think of this as a sequel to the first point above. Above, I mentioned making the relationship your second priority and not your first. Your first priority should be your first.
Now, focusing on yourself, I do not mean not literally doing anything while not paying attention to your relationship. No! By making yourself your first priority, I mean you should pursue your dreams, goals, career etc while in a relationship.
A lot of times, guys will probably have issues with you being focused in your career more than your focus on the relationship. Other times, a lot of guys don’t want you doing anything for yourself.
But the truth is, a sensible guy who genuinely cares about you will be happy to see you pursue and achieve your dreams and goals. Now, this isn’t me saying you should put your relationship to the side. No. Face yourself but at the same time, pay attention to your relationship. Relationship should basically be your second priority, not your first.
3. Don’t Be Dependent
You see, nobody likes liabilities. As much as he/she tells you he/she can take care of you and sort, the moment it begins to dawn on him/her that you are totally dependent on them, your value reduces. You don’t want that.
Hence, one of the best ways to ignore or maintain value in relationships is to be independent. As a lady, it’s okay to want a man but not need a man. There’s a difference.
What that means is, it’s okay for your man to give you money and sort but, you don’t have to depend on him for survival. A lot of times, people (male and female) tend to disrespect you or think less of you when they realize you depend on them for survival. This isn’t unusual. For the most part, that’s how most humans are wired.
So, do yourself a favor and make your own money. Be independent.
4. Don’t Let Wrongs Slide Easily
He shouts at you today and you say/do nothing about it? There’s a chance he might slap you tomorrow. And if again, you say/do nothing about it, there’s a chance he will hit you tomorrow. Of course, this goes both ways.
If your partner did something wrong, point it out. Say or do something about it. If you let it slide, you can expect it’d repeat itself.
However, make sure you are careful with this. It isn’t in every situation that you react. You don’t want to be seen as a nag or being rigid. There are times you should choose to be calm and let things slide. But if what was done was really wrong, point it out.
5. Don’t Be Scared To Leave
Guess what? The moment you begin to make your partner feel you can’t afford to lose them, there’s a high chance of them misbehaving.
Again, you want to be careful with this though. By not being scared to leave, I don’t mean threatening to leave every time. Especially over little issues. That’s just all shades of wrong.
However, for things you have a serious problem against like being cheated on, being abused and sort, do not be scared to live.
If he/she cheats on you and for fear of not losing them, you decide to stay put, expect the situation to repeat itself. If he/she physically abuses you and for fear of not losing them, you decide to stay put and do thing about the situation, expect more.
Hence, do not be scared to leave. That way, they know they did you wrong and you are within your right to want to opt out. If they truly care about you and want to keep you, they will make amends by being careful next time to not repeat the same. If in the case of cheating they choose to still indulge in it, they will be very careful about you ever finding out.
6. Don’t Ask For Financial AID All The Time
Earlier on this post, we talked about being dependent and as such, if you want to be valued, make sure you got yourself. Your partner giving you money or sort should be an addition, not a necessity.
But of course, there are times when things go south and the need for some assistance becomes necessary. For this reason, it’s okay to ask. Just don’t make it an habit.
If you can, resist asking for financial aid directly. A better approach would be letting your partner in on what’s happening with you and how you could do with some financial aid (again, you ain’t asking him/her directly). If they truly care about you and can afford it, they will willingly offer to help.
If he/she is very much in the position to help but chooses not to, it’s probably best to keep looking for a relationship because there’s a huge chance you are alone in that relationship. Other times, they could be insensitive to these things and it’s only a sign of you being in a relationship with a person who isn’t mature in terms of relationships. Love comes with giving and if your partner cannot give, it’s about time you reevaluate if it’s love or lust.
7. Give Room To Be Wanted
Relationships can be sweet and as such, you want to be with your partner as often as you can. While that’s great, it’s often said that “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”.
Your partner may want some space but wouldn’t know how to communicate that to you. The best way to go about this is to consciously make effort to be away for a while. During the course of this, pay attention to whether your partner talks about how he/she misses you and would love to spend more time with you and sort.
If while you are away, they barely keep in touch or even talk about spending more time with you, it’s an obvious sign of you not being wanted by them.
Rather than force yourself into their space, give room to be wanted by them. It builds value in relationships.
P.S: Please understand that these things only applies to boyfriend/girlfriend kind of relationships and not married couples.
